I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
