She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
