I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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