i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dick very happy bro
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
