It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
