I faked an abortion last night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
