it hurts more in the daytime
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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