the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize