I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
