So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize