Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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