He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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