Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
