just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
