I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
