you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm getting married
To pizza
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
