Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
