The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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