Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
