1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
