I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
