You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize