had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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