There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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