I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
