just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
