This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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