You made me cry and you don't even care
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
