don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
