A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize