ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
