DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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