drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His hands were made for my vagina.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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