even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
