There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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