tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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