$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
