apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
