Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
