Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
