i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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