I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
