walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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