We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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