I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
