you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
as a side note pls kill me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize