May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
