So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize