singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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