Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
