Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
