Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
