I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
