and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
