I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
