I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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