I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
