Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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