Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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