as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
