Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
