she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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