Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
