Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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