You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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