Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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