If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
