His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize