bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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