I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i out mim tonsoeep
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
