I take back everything I said about communal showers
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
