There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
